Since my engagement ended in 2019, I've dabbled in dating without much success. Oh, you didn't know I was engaged once? Check out my previous blogs for all the deets. Some dates have gone well, others not so much; this story is about my most entertaining date... to date. Please enjoy the story of the Chicken Man.
Know It Ain't Gonna Be Good
The pre-pandemic dating scene in Cincinnati was lit, at least for me. I was really active on dating apps and had a lot of great dates and short-lived relationships. Then, I met Rob. Rob was different than the other matches I had met in person. He was handsome, charming, intelligent, and ambitious. I remember we met at a brewery for our first date and I swooned a little when he walked in and smiled at me. We hit it off pretty immediately and continued seeing each other well after our initial date. Rob was thoughtful and kind and I really liked him. He had flipped his home by himself and it looked straight out of a magazine. He was really into urban farming and sustainable living, which spoke directly to my Old Kentucky heart. Though we weren't yet serious, I felt that we had real relationship potential.
We had been dating for a short while and most of our time spent together was at his house. We made dinner together, watched movies; we just spent a lot of quality time together. We had one glaring difference, though; he's not really a dog person. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love my dogs. So it was important to me that Rob met and liked them; we're a package deal. After a couple of introductions, he shared with me that he had a fear of big dogs; mine are just that. Rob told me a story from his childhood about a big dog that had eagerly approached him. He turned to run away, frightened, and the dog knocked him down. That left an emotional scar, leading to an aversion to large dogs. I responded with compassion and understanding and he assured me that he was committed to getting to know my dogs and developing a comfort level that was manageable. While unsure, I appreciated his willingness to step outside of his comfort zone - for me!
I Heard Chicken Screams
Rob and I spent more time working on our relationship as well as his comfort level with my dogs but, truthfully, minimal progress was made. When we would spend time with my dogs he was constantly on edge and anxious, which made me on edge and anxious, which made Beau and Bridget on edge and anxious; it was a vicious cycle. We took walks together, they came with me for overnight dates at Rob's place, but something just wasn't clicking. I'll admit my pups are mischievous and naughty, especially when they're anxious. Bridget is a known thief and Beau can be a bully about having his ball thrown; but, they're loving and sensitive and incredibly important to me. I appreciated Rob's diligence but some things are difficult to overcome.
A little about the loves of my life, Beau and Bridget. Both are first generation, standard sized goldendoodles. What that means is they are half poodle and half golden retriever. Poodles and Goldens are both wildfowl dogs by breed standard and were used to retrieve ducks, birds, and other small game for their hunter masters. Because of their breeding, goldendoodles can have a high prey drive; it's in their DNA to chase and bring back small animals. Beau and Bridget definitely inherited this trait from their ancestors. My doods constantly retrieve items around the house, from dirty socks and underwear to balls to really anything their mouths can carry. Beau is ball obsessed and can fetch for hours on end; he has also managed to catch, and sadly kill, a few small animals in his life. Bridget is the epitome of mischief and always in hot pursuit of birds, squirrels, cats, and rabbits; I think she's keeping a "kill" score with her brother and she hates to lose.
And Watch Them Feathers Fly
On a winter evening a few months into dating, Rob and I spent time together at his place cooking dinner and watching a movie. My pups were there too and overall it was a quiet, enjoyable evening. I remember how calm Beau and Bridget were during the movie. They seemed to be settling into his space and that made me feel more at home. We all went to bed after the movie and had an uneventful, restful sleep.
Around 7am the next morning Bridget let me know she needed to go potty. I got up and took the dogs downstairs to go outside. Rob had a fenced in backyard and a glassed-in porch that transitioned from the living room to the backyard. Not wanting to put on all my layers, I walked shoeless onto the porch and opened the sliding door to the backyard. Beau and Bridget hopped outside and I rushed back in quickly, shivering. That's when I noticed Rob in the kitchen putting on his coat. When I asked what he was doing, he responded that he was going outside to let his chickens out. I told him I had just let my dogs outside in the backyard, assuming he would choose to wait until they came back in before letting out the chickens. He shrugged me off, saying it would be fine since he was only letting his chickens into the run, which is separated by a fence and gate from the larger backyard where Beau and Bridget were roaming. I nodded and slipped into the downstairs bathroom to feel the heated floors under my feet, letting Rob do as he pleased.
While in the bathroom, I heard a commotion. Because the door was closed and I was indisposed, I wondered if maybe it was garbage day; wishful thinking. I couldn't make out the sounds and noises directly, but it couldn't be Rob or my pups because he had just gone outside. What could have happened in the two or so minutes since we had spoken? Chaos, apparently...
I walked out of the bathroom and peeked out the living room door to look into the backyard. I don't claim to have the best behaved dogs so I needed to confirm they weren't the problem for my own peace of mind. Sadly, they were the drama... I saw Rob standing completely still except for the nervous hand running through his hair; he looked bewildered. Then I saw Beau, standing only a few steps away from Rob and intently focused on something happening in the yard. That something was Bridget, chasing Rob's chickens around his yard at full speed. SHIT! A quick assessment of the scene told me that if I didn't act fast, Bridget's breakfast was going to be farm to table. I ran inside and threw on shoes and a coat, racing back as fast as possible to thwart Bridget's murderous attempt. I leaped into the backyard from the porch and began chasing Bridget, who was still chasing a chicken. Sadly, this absolutely comedic scene was not captured on camera. I yelled at Rob to grab Beau and managed to catch up with Bridget quickly as she turned a corner. I grabbed her and drug her to the porch, picked her up, and literally tossed her inside, swiftly shutting the sliding door. I turned to retrieve Beau; he was standing motionless as Rob held onto his back fur. Beau's face seemed to judgingly say "Mom, why is this guy holding me like this?" I rushed over quickly and grabbed Beau's collar, profusely apologizing as I drug him to the front of the house. I was scolding him and remember saying "What were you thinking?! You're supposed to be the big brother and set a good example. You know better than to act like this!" We got inside and Bridget raced to greet us with absolutely no sign of regret or remorse. If she was sorry, it was only that she didn't catch the chickens. She almost looked proud and, in all honesty, I let out a giggle or two.
Rob came back inside after a few minutes and I apologized profusely while gathering their leashes, bowls, and my purse. I am not one to wear out a welcome and it was abundantly clear that we should go. Rob was displeased; he was quiet, short-answered, and I could tell he was angry and frustrated. He was leaving that day for an extended trip out of town so I quickly put my dogs in my car. I apologized a few more times before wishing him a safe and happy trip. I don't remember if he even responded, but if he did it was short and tempered with frustration. I remember laughing on the way home, as terrible as that sounds. My dogs were not sorry which made the entire situation even funnier to me. I had warned that my dogs were in the backyard and I imagine they bum-rushed Rob on his way out of the chicken run. Poor guy, he didn't even see it coming. I laughed for a solid week thinking about Beau and Bridget plotting a sneak attack the night before and working together to ensue chaos and catch a chicken. I told this story numerous times to my friends and family and everyone laughed hysterically because this behavior is very on brand for Bridget - she is a troublemaker but gosh, she's cute. Please enjoy their mugshot...
I Can Smell the Kitchen and it's Almost Supper Time
Surprisingly, after his trip Rob wanted to see me again. I thought he was out of his mind - what could there possibly be to talk about or reconcile? I reluctantly agreed to see him and we met for a drink. We talked about the infamous chicken incident and I couldn't pretend it wasn't amusing. I could tell my experience was vastly different from his, as he didn't find the same level of humor in the situation. He told me that at one point during the chase Bridget had a chicken in her mouth. I laughed out loud; it just wasn't even plausible. We agreed to disagree on the subject and tried to make things work for a short time afterwards. Ultimately, we weren't a long-term fit and went our separate ways. I wish him well and hope his chickens are thriving, despite Bridget and Beau's best attempts otherwise. And that, my friends, is the story of the Chicken Man.